For decades, leaders have been told that professionalism means keeping emotions at bay. Stay composed. Stay detached. Never let personal feelings enter the workplace. The assumption is that distance creates respect and authority.
But our research tells a different story. Leaders who hide behind this mask of professionalism don’t inspire confidence; they create disconnection. Teams experience them as cold, unapproachable, and ultimately less effective. In the Leadership Growth Profile, we call this the “Distant” pattern, and it undermines every outcome leaders are striving for: performance, innovation, and engagement.
This article explores why the myth of professional distance persists and what really happens when leaders rely on it. We’ll examine why swinging to the opposite extreme, unfiltered authenticity, doesn’t work either. And we’ll show that effective leadership is built on a middle path: being emotionally regulated while also being emotionally honest.
Where the Myth Comes From
The idea that professionalism means detachment didn’t appear by accident. It has deep roots in the way organisations have traditionally been run. For much of the last century, leadership was modelled on command-and-control structures borrowed from the military and early industrial management. Authority was linked to hierarchy, and emotions were seen as distractions from efficiency and order.
Corporate culture reinforced this by rewarding leaders who looked decisive, rational, and unflappable. Showing emotion was often equated with weakness, bias, or poor judgment. Many managers were taught to “leave feelings at the door” as a way to maintain fairness. In reality, what this often produced was a climate of suppression rather than objectivity.
There’s also a personal dimension. Vulnerability at work has long been uncomfortable, especially in high-stakes environments. Leaders may fear that admitting uncertainty will cost them credibility, or that showing stress will undermine confidence in their ability to lead. Over time, this fear hardens into habit, and the mask of distance becomes the default.
The result is a culture where leaders learn to hide more of themselves than they reveal. It’s a learned behaviour, shaped by tradition and fear, not by what actually builds trust and effectiveness.
The Distant Leader: What Teams Actually Experience
In the Leadership Growth Profile, one of the clearest derailers of effectiveness is the behaviour we call Distant.
These are leaders who appear calm on the surface but keep people at arm’s length. They rarely share what they’re thinking, downplay emotion, and avoid opening up about their own challenges. To them, this feels like professionalism. To their teams, it feels like disconnection.
When distance becomes a pattern, people begin to fill in the blanks. Silence is interpreted as lack of interest. Minimal emotional expression is read as detachment. Over time, trust erodes not because the leader is hostile, but because they seem absent.
Teams often describe distant leaders in ways like:
- Unapproachable: Colleagues hesitate to ask questions or raise issues.
- Disengaged: Meetings feel flat, with little energy or visible interest.
- Hard to read: Team members are left guessing whether work is valued or whether concerns have been heard.
- Withholding: Information feels tightly controlled, reducing collaboration and shared ownership.
The impact on culture is subtle but significant. Brainstorming stalls because people don’t feel encouraged to contribute. Feedback loops dry up because it’s unclear how input will be received. Day-to-day conversations become transactional, focused only on tasks rather than connection.
This isn’t intentional harm. Distant leaders often believe they’re protecting professionalism. But in practice, their behaviour signals indifference. And for a team, there’s little that drains engagement faster than the sense their leader isn’t really present.
Why the “Always Authentic” Leader Isn’t the Answer Either
If distance doesn’t work, it might be tempting to assume that the opposite extreme – total emotional transparency – does. But unfiltered authenticity creates its own problems. Leaders who bring every frustration, doubt, or raw emotion into the room don’t foster connection; they create instability.
Oversharing often looks like:
- Turning team meetings into therapy sessions.
- Expressing anger or anxiety in ways that shift stress onto others.
- Framing vulnerability as blame or victimhood rather than accountability.
These behaviours can feel honest in the moment, but they leave teams unsettled. People start to second-guess how their leader will react. Energy goes into managing emotions rather than focusing on shared goals. Instead of building trust, the leader unintentionally erodes it by making the team responsible for their regulation.
Authenticity without boundaries can descend into volatility. Teams need leaders who are steady enough to hold the weight of challenges, while being open enough to show they’re human. That balance is what creates connection.
The Middle Path: Regulated Honesty
Effective leadership sits between two unhelpful extremes: hiding behind distance and overloading teams with unfiltered emotion. The sweet spot is regulated honesty: a style where leaders are steady enough to contain their own reactions while open enough to be real with others.
Regulated honesty doesn’t mean ignoring emotion, nor does it mean putting everything on display. It means acknowledging what’s true in a way that supports clarity and connection. For example:
“I don’t have the full answer yet, but here’s what I do know.”
“I’m feeling stretched this week, so I’ll need the team’s input to keep us moving.”
Statements like these show humanity without burdening others.
The key is self-regulation. Leaders who pause before reacting create space for choices that reflect values rather than stress. That pause can turn:
- Defensiveness into curiosity
- Frustration into direction
- Anxiety into transparency
Leaders who practise regulated honesty demonstrate maturity. They don’t shy away from struggle, but they don’t hand it off either. They own their role, acknowledge reality, and invite others into problem-solving.
In environments shaped by regulated honesty, teams have a constant anchor to ground them. They know their leader is human, but also dependable. And that combination, more than distance or drama, is what inspires confidence.
Connection in Action: Three Scenarios
It’s easier to see the power of regulated honesty through everyday leadership moments. Here are three ways it shows up in practice.
1. Admitting Uncertainty About Strategy
A senior leader is asked about the organisation’s direction in an all-hands meeting. Instead of giving a polished but vague answer, they say: “We don’t have the final plan yet, but here are the options we’re exploring and what matters most in making the choice.”
The team leaves with clarity about the process, and trust grows because the leader shared honestly without pretending to know it all.
2. Naming Stress Without Blame
During a busy quarter, a manager notices their team’s energy dropping. In a meeting, they acknowledge: “I’m feeling the pressure too. Let’s take a moment to check what’s most critical so we don’t burn out chasing everything.”
By naming stress openly—without venting or blaming—the leader normalises the reality of pressure while guiding the team toward focus and resilience.
3. Sharing a Client Challenge Constructively
A leader preparing for a major client review tells their team: “We’ve had pushback from this client on timelines. Rather than seeing this as a failure, I’d like us to explore what adjustments could strengthen the partnership.”
Instead of hiding the issue or offloading frustration, the leader frames it as a shared challenge. This creates space for ideas, strengthens ownership, and turns difficulty into innovation.
In all three scenarios, honesty is combined with steadiness. Leaders don’t withhold reality, and they don’t overwhelm the team with raw emotion. They invite connection while holding responsibility. The result is stronger engagement, deeper trust, and a culture where people feel safe to contribute.
Building the Habit of Connection
Connection doesn’t happen by accident. It’s a discipline leaders build through daily choices. A few practical habits can make all the difference:
- Pause before sharing: When emotion rises, take a breath and ask: “Am I expressing this to connect, or to unload?” That single question shifts expression from reactive to constructive.
- Practise small disclosures: Honesty doesn’t need to be dramatic. Try everyday admissions like: “I don’t have the answer yet,” or “I found that meeting challenging too.” These small signals normalise humanity without oversharing.
- Use structured feedback: Tools like the Leadership Growth Profile reveal how often “Distant” behaviours show up and how teams experience them. This insight keeps leaders honest about the gap between intention and impact.
Why Connection Wins
The myth of professional distance promises authority, but it delivers disconnection. Leaders who choose connection set the conditions for performance, innovation, and culture to thrive long into the future.
Regulated honesty creates the critical balance. It allows leaders to acknowledge pressure, admit uncertainty, and share challenges without losing composure. The result is stronger trust, higher engagement, and workplaces where people want to contribute.
Great leadership isn’t built on distance. It’s built on connection.
Learn more about how the Leadership Growth Profile helps leaders move past distance and lead with presence, steadiness, and impact.
